Category Archives: life

Born in the wrong country


So sometimes I feel that really deep deep down in my soul I am actually a mixture of spanish, italian and a few kinds of south american.

I love to dance. Even in the light. Even in the night when no-one else is. Even in the sun shining day. Even in the hay. I just love it. I love the beat. I love music with a beat. I love music with a soul, and I love a community that embraces that as do the afore-mentioned.

As south africans and (I am told as men) dancing is something learnt whilst drunk and can only be performed in such a state and the window is quite narrow as once too many drinks are on board the physical act of standing is even hard.

So I am native to another country and my soul beats that drum.

It would be so great though if as south africans (at least) we could embrace the person who is dancing instead of rejecting, dissing and naming and shaming them.

Just a thought.

Different is not bad and it should not be intimidating. It certainly should not ever invoke nastiness.

As a nation (at least the privileged part thereof) we tend to be quite critical as well as sharp with our words. We tend to be a little arrogant and set in certain ways we call our own. There is nothing wrong with our own ways but by the same token there is also nothing wrong with another way ?

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Death Oh who art thou?


To lose a loved one is one of the hardest things for me. I am so unsettled by it, especially if it is someone my age or younger. Because I am young. And Death is so definite.

At someone’s memorial or funeral one expects to gain closure and to get some kind of “feeling” that the world is upright again. But alas it is not always so.

My “friendus” Mark Reynolds was a larger than life person who was always going to defeat death until he didn’t. I met Mark on the “kleuterskool” play ground in a small town called Tzaneen where english speakers were in the minority. There were 3 of us : Mark, Vivienne and myself.

We played on the “baantjie” and said ” get away, get away” a lot. We forged a friendship right there and then that lasted an eternity (I hope). Death confuses me and many of the things I hope for (faith) elude my desire for confirmation thereof.

Throughout junior and high school we played, we learned, we experimented. Mark was the first to offer me a cigarette -menthol nogal. I tried it, hated it and it convinced me lifelong that I would not smoke. We hiked in the gorgeous agatha forest, slid down the rocks. We laughed so much mostly our sides split.

We rode horses in Sabie – galloping into eternity together.

More recently Mark attended my sister and my wedding. I will never forget Mark giving my bemused husband-to-be a flower as was his custom.

Mark’s laugh was one of those that triggered others to laugh and not stop. His smile captivated. His heart was one the most beautiful I have ever seen. He sacrificed so much for others – his important others.

In love I believe he was let down so badly it still hurts me. He painted out of that and gave up on romantic love – which is so so desperately sad but I believe he was trying to self preserve. For me this is so tragic as he was a gorgeous soul and the love between 2 people – true romantic love as it were is something that can take one to heights that nothing else can- and it did – only it dropped him too (as it does many).

He had so much to give – in life and love.

Taken way way too soon, I just don’t understand and I guess never will.

What I know is that we must live here now, and make each minute count. We must cherish each other in the moment. Be present in the moment and live each as if the last.

 

To Mark – my “friendus” ignite heaven as I know you will with your soul. Devastate them with the joy that radiates out of it. The deeper the sorrow carves into your being the more joy it can contain. I love you and I always will.

Celebrate and live each minute


Our time on earth is limited by a number none of us know. The quality that we experience depends almost entirely on us – each one, in our own capacity.

Life is very short for some and interminably long for others. The enigma is that there is no way of knowing.

Where does that leave us each, individually?

Life is a strange bag of tricks and boils down to little more that about 40-60 years on average of a daily slog : waking, working, paying for things, sleeping. And yet it can be so much more. It can be.

It depends entirely on your own self. The quality of each minute. The minutes add up and create memories. But essentially if you are not present in the present and enjoying that very minute wholeheartedly it may be a wasted minute, hour, life.

I wish we knew in a way. The hours we each had and the moments that we should make count.

But we don’t.

Perhaps only when you lose a loved one do you re-evalute life on a minute to minute basis.

Today actually counts for more than you think and if you understand that in the realm of time and space we are each such a small inconsequent speck that may or may not live another day, surely it’s worth making this very minute worth it.

Sorrow and sadness fill my being for the loss of a life so huge at some moments and so full of the very essence of life. He lived indeed and took the time to make it special. I so hope that one day I will understand the reason we have a this life and a “death” or after life. I certainly don’t today.

Libre flash monitoring


The patient driven and marketed libre has arrived in south africa.

R990 for a reader once off which is a meter for both glucose and ketones.

R990 for a sensor that lasts 2 weeks and so i.e. cost per month if worn every day is R990 x2

You scan your button and get a reading every 5 minutes. The device has functions like worked out a1c (3 month average) as well as about 100 more. See the website.

https://www.freestylelibre.co.uk/libre

You need to fill in a form, pay the amount and it gets couriered to you.

Contact me for forms

26 hilton avenue 033 343 1826

😉libre.jpg

The wounded healer


For Jung, “a good half of every treatment that probes at all deeply consists in the doctor’s examining himself… it is his own hurt that gives a measure of his power to heal. This, and nothing else, is the meaning of the Greek myth of the wounded physician.

I have just read a great article about depression and doctors and how poorly it is managed amongst doctors. But the concept of a wounded healer has always fascinated me. As has healing. As have healers.

I am intrigued that is takes wounding to heal. And yet I guess in a karma kind of way it makes sense.

Indeed intriguing that there is power to heal. Frightening on some level.

History also confounds me and implores me to explore it. Ancient texts and characters of the past beckon to me to learn from them. Long before modern medicine existed healing existed. Long before the dawn of todays many western ideas ancient cultures treated dis ease successfully. We are here after all and did not die out as a species.

I respect deeply the ancients. I respect suffering and wounding. In a sense it is a teacher.

Grappling with self, wrestling with self is possibly also a part of this?

Wounded. In a process of healing.

Coxsackie,yuppie flu, post viral fatigue


Anybody who has not witnessed firsthand or experienced this evil is willy-nilly able to say that this vile vulgar viral disease is “all in your head”. I can tell you that there is no-one on this green earth who voluntarily goes through the ordeal that comes with this virus. It literally flattens you in more ways than one.

I have seen countless patients afflicted with it and whilst “science” on many levels questions this disease (instead of getting on with more accurate diagnosis) it is a disease that no-one wants and is more than happy to get rid of the day it leaves their bodies.

I have to ask though why the medical profession at large is sceptical and ridiculously pathetic when it comes to diagnosis as well as treatment (of which there is little). And once again in my mind it goes back to something similar to semelweiss. The washing of hands idea disdained by so many pompous egotistical physicians turned out to be one of the most important discoveries of science and prevention of transmission of disease. Why are we so arrogant? Who gave us this “god” complex?

When we don’t fully understand something or don’t know we simply say it must not/can not exist and therefore the patient themselves must be “mad” ????????????

Surely surely we have gone past this aged way of thinking ?

No, alas it seems we have not. We will not admit we don’t know. Rather make it the patients added problem.

I think it is sad and poor.

I only hope that none of these arrogant physicians ever actually come down with it as they may lose their egos in the process.viruss

Google the semelweiss history – it’s interesting and very very sad. Sad because why can we not drop ego and rather try to understand what the very truth of the matter indeed may be.

Diabetes “connect” – meet the team


Last chance to book for meet the team 😉

WE will be available on the 15 March 2017 for any one interested to meet the team. We will serve a “healthy” treat and explain how we approach diabetes and chronic disease management from a team point of view.

Please do RSVP : 033 3431826

The event will kick off at 530 sharp and end at 630 and children are welcome – we will have some games in the garden for them.

Innate Diabetes Hilton is situated at 26 hilton avenue and we aim to provide a team for all your diabetes needs : GP with a diploma in diabetes and pump centre, dietician with a passion for diabetes, podiatrist, diabetes educator as well as the bonus of 2 beauticians who do a whole range of wonderful treatments. We also have and educational psychologist as well as a psychologist on site and a life coach who specialises in addictions and relationship difficulties.

Come and meet the team 🙂