Category Archives: life

Abuse at this time -a way out


It is a great burden and a sadness that at this time during lockdown the “opportunity” for abuse in many ways is just too easy for the picking on the side of the abuser. To this end the “abused” in many many cases has very little access to “sanctuary”.

I was reading a great article last night and it resonated in so many ways in terms of making each one of us, individually and collectively at this point in time a little bit more “bullet proof” and “protected” in the midst of very little “protection”.

The “just” of it being 1.) recognise the “feelings” of : helplessness, anxiety, depression as SIGNALS that are screaming to us to do something. Not what society up to now has expounded that you are : weak, pathetic, not strong enough, rather that that feeling is a signal to YOU, precious one, that actually You can STAND up and even lying down YOU have a voice, a right, an access to bridging the gap between poor mental health and strong mental health.

2.) when one feels that one does not have “agency” ie things are all lost and nothing can get better, hopelessness in a sense, it is a very hard and terrifying place to be.

3.) That is why recognising the “vulnerability” for what it is is so vital and not giving that power. But stopping that vast chasm of no agency feeling in its tracks – and only the INDIVIDUAL in their MIND can do that.

4.) REcongnise that even in this time there are THINGS you can do, starting small. REaching out perhaps now is even a little easier as long as you have internet or a way to phone or even reach out to a neighbour. Take small positive steps.

5.) The resources for those who have access to them are literally endless on the internet.

6.) For those that don’t : start by getting “out of your mind” flick the switch by running around a chair or your house, reading a poem, literally thinking out of your normal box and grasping onto a positive thought, image or smell even.

7.) AVailbable too : most doctors are doing telephonic consults at this time as are psychologists and other health practioners, churches have pastors available on the other end of a phone, if needed the police are available and I would say if your situation requires it keep pressing on that button until you are indeed helped. The security “saints” independant security companies are very present right now and have been both kind and amazing during this time.

Musings from a mom/dr/maid/teacher


OMG!!! This is hard and yet this is SUCH! a blessing. What a blessing to be able to spend this time in a brand new home (which is mine fkhiwpfi), with my girls. Wow. I have longed for a time to play, laugh, sit on the grass (thanks Phil and Cindy aka mommy and daddy) and just sometimes stare. Wow. Loonngg time since I did that.

Don’t get me wrong I am working hard, online, on the phone, on virtual platforms. In my rooms. But honestly the world has slowed down. And for that I am grateful.

For my new home. For Ridl construction – I have never ending praise for the whole team, Tabs, Lance, Luke, Bianca, Cecile (guck) I mean better language – hallelujah! amen thank you. Wow ! Started 6 Jan (constuction)  and I moved in as lock down shut us down. Now that’s an achievement for ALL of us 🙂 #ridleconstruction

For being able to calm the worried well and at the very same time take midnight calls from actual covid patients. And the joy of them getting better each day.

For being a mom -guck again – I love my kids. I love love love my kids. I love being a mom and all that that entails.

For being a teacher/maid – guck again. I have never washed so many dishes and mopped and cleaned as much. But I try to do it meditatively. Mostly unsuccessfully. But I am trying. #meditationrockswhenyougeitright

Sorry my language.

Life a a bloody strange and peculiar thing really. One minute you are doing the school run, running a business, worrying about tax, then next you are in a jumanji game and incredulously for an introvert who goes well into crisis mode its funnily calming. Wierd, wierd, wierd.

Be grateful. Be safe. Stay the guck home. Order online. #ridlrocks, thank you!!!

 

Perspective, plain site…


Life is a rollercoaster chocolate box that dishes one out a random mix of stuff and sometimes pulls back from you entirely and leaves one confused and bemused.

However at least with age one gains a little more perspective and the ability (as a woman) to control (albeit not entirely) one’s emotions. And this is like pure gold. The ability to step back (so to speak figuratively) and “cognitively” digest things and “prepare” a cold clever response that may well be unexpected and certainly perplexes the individual perpetuating the patriachy.

The rollercoaster is often a fixed item over which control is not had. However it seems that later on in life one is able to “hover” above the chaos for milliseconds that are little bursts of miracle moments.

Plain site also becomes a more plain. Which seems crazy but somehow the blinders of youth really do just that and as the time and clock tick the site improves – at least the sight of the soul 🙂

And for this I am grateful 🙂peace

“Soul”it ude …https://www.solitude.org.za


This last weekend I had the joy and priveledge of going to a creative retreat at solitude in the dargle near Howick. What a soul re-juvenation 🙂

One’s own journey is a precious thing, one’s own creative journey in my opinion even more precious, like precious on steroids 🙂

What I discovered on my very excited to share return was that one’s personal journey is not as relevatory to others as it was to one’s self.

Lesson learnt 🙂

For me it was cathartic, connecting to myself, releasing in a high release way as well as calming, coo-ing almost in the best way possible, rocking in a hammock kind of gentleness, presence and preciousness.

We did all sorts of “arty” things not for creation sake but more for the journey sake and connecting to one’s inner child. The wisdom that was downloaded to each of us was profound, gentle and powerful. Sometimes the simple in life is the key. And happiness is an elusive gift just within our reach.

solitude

 

End of year madness … or is it gladness?


Another year 2018 has come and gone in the literal blink of an eye. I find myself looking back aghast at 8 years gone by in a jack flash. So much joy and so much agony. A kaleidoscope really. A train smash storm born delight. So much and yet so little.

Life is a lesson if nothing else. And I guess right now I am just terrified that I have too little time left here, now, deep in the poison garden to borrow some words from one of my favourite poems ever ever.

To recap 2018, it started with a transkei soul filler in January at Zithulele and interestingly in november topped off with a similar soul collide. I do love it when souls collide, slip and slide and joy errupts.

February the month of love seemed full of long hard days of work and figuring out pain.

March and easter arrived too soon, a lovely camping trip with friends in the cobham berg marked the kind of first quarter’s end and did a lot to boost the love tank.

April, well a month of decisions and immense pain one I shall sooner forget.

May, my birthday month had some snippets of great support by friends and reflection.

June and July the winter of the year, also just seem to full of work. But a wonderful wonderful time in the snowy mountains learning to ski, putting a hole in a sump and finding treasures in Barkley East of all places as well as the most exquisite mountains – the guardians in Elliot of even more strange and wonderful and undiscovered unrecognised places.

August was yesterday more great work. September the air filled with spores and pollen, we sneezed and bloomed. October too.

November and here we are December!

Shoo, looking back I am excited to look forward. Right now it’s hard to lift my foot even 10 cm and I feel that a good hibernate sleep of 2 weeks would not be enough. But I vow to be back in Jan2019 rejuvenated, joyous and full of brimming life for the little bit of time (hopefully at least 50 years) that I have left :):)

At this time o’ joy – I shall be joyous

Scraps of affirmation…


Peter and John went to pray one day, they met an old man on the way ay ay, silver and gold have I none said he, but such as I have give I unto thee. Rise up and walk.

Yesterday I was privileged to listen to a sermon on this very encounter. The man in the story did not have faith for healing. He had faith for what he had encountered for many years -scraps. Scraps of money, time, affirmation, food.

And yet that day he was healed. Leaping and jumping and praising God.

So much of many of our lives are lived much like this. Hoping for scraps. And really that is not what we were destined for.

There is so much more.

We have a mindset sometimes that we lock into for years and years. And then all of a sudden sometimes the light breaks in. And we can see.

And there is a time of feasting.

Being lame is innate to my name, Claudius – the lame one. Wounded healer.

What an absolute joy and jump to be able to gift healing in the physical sense. And sometimes even the emotional.

But true healing is a much deeper process that requires divinity.

And the amazing thing is that it IS available. And also one does not have to be ok with scraps, now put that in your peace pipe and take a long hard inhale.

Claudius was a very interesting fellow, conquered Britannia – the UK basically. To sojourn from Rome to Britannia in those days was quite a sojourn.

 

Love, what is that?


Life, love, chemicals, spiritual being ? What are we?

We meet, we relate, we may even marry. We miraculously and seamlessly produce children who are part of both of us. They are quite a lot of work to bring up. Moms generally bear the brunt of this “work”. But is it work? Is it not also love, life, chemical, spiritual interaction?

We fight, we break up, we subject the parts of us to separation.

In this crazy process is there not a better way?

Communication of sorts, sharing of sorts ?LIfe, chemicals, spiritual interaction, I am sorry please forgive me, I love you. The breaking down of barriers?

Just too sad to even contemplate why not? Why it’s not possible ? Love life chemistry, spiritual connection? Perhaps if it never existed it can not be resurrected? Is that a fair way of analysis or is there a deeper thought? Love is certainly a conundrum and perhaps it is just way simpler and we make it way complicated.

The power of words


My daughter of 5 and I listened to a sermon on sunday about essentially the power of words and the impact they can have on relationship reconciliation.

It is indeed profound to me at how she just got it : “I love you mommy” , ” I am sorry, please forgive me”. So easy for a 5 year old to snap and seemingly so impossible for older folk to get this simple simple concept.

The power of the spoken word is immense. As the preacher said God said of His own son : “this is my son whom I love”. If the God of the universe and of creations feels the need to speak such an obvious statement and was able to speak the universe into being how much more should we not speak out loud affirmation and love to our loved ones.

The sermon has literally come up at least 10 x since sunday in her little head and in such a positive way.

Words are tools- power tools. Most days I really underestimate them.

Type 1 managed at home from the start


Outside of a patient arriving in a DKA (diabetic ketoacidosis) one can actually manage them at home from the offset. Yes this may well be a bit controversial, however, in my opinion subjecting a whole family to hospital admission of 10 days at the start of such a huge ordeal is controversial too.

There are many arguments for both sets of management.

My personal feeling is that a hospital is a very traumatic place to be. To subject an entire family to 10 days in an institution with bad food and light far away from home is akin to a concentration camp.

Trauma is also about how it is managed and the calmer, better slept “managed” parents and children do better I believe.

Type 1 diabetes is an absolute lack of insulin. There need to be multiple mind shifts that occur and this requires calmness and astuteness. It is very easy to manage in this day and age what with excellent new insulins as well as cheaper CGM availability.

We currently have an epidemic of type 1 diagnoses. If I learnt anything from Larry Distiller (guru and endocrinologist) it was step back, take a deep breath and apply the knowledge you have calmly. This is the dictum I follow with great success.

type1diagram

Venus and Mars and the stars beyond thars,…


So I feel that I should have a little say about the whole Serena debacle which is far from Serene to say the least.

There is unfairness for sure.

There is discrimination for sure.

Osaka is both gracious and amazing to have beaten Serena.

Trevor Noah hits it on the button – watch his clip on this.

Google it on YOU tube …:) go on I dare you

 

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