Category Archives: joy

Death Oh who art thou?


To lose a loved one is one of the hardest things for me. I am so unsettled by it, especially if it is someone my age or younger. Because I am young. And Death is so definite.

At someone’s memorial or funeral one expects to gain closure and to get some kind of “feeling” that the world is upright again. But alas it is not always so.

My “friendus” Mark Reynolds was a larger than life person who was always going to defeat death until he didn’t. I met Mark on the “kleuterskool” play ground in a small town called Tzaneen where english speakers were in the minority. There were 3 of us : Mark, Vivienne and myself.

We played on the “baantjie” and said ” get away, get away” a lot. We forged a friendship right there and then that lasted an eternity (I hope). Death confuses me and many of the things I hope for (faith) elude my desire for confirmation thereof.

Throughout junior and high school we played, we learned, we experimented. Mark was the first to offer me a cigarette -menthol nogal. I tried it, hated it and it convinced me lifelong that I would not smoke. We hiked in the gorgeous agatha forest, slid down the rocks. We laughed so much mostly our sides split.

We rode horses in Sabie – galloping into eternity together.

More recently Mark attended my sister and my wedding. I will never forget Mark giving my bemused husband-to-be a flower as was his custom.

Mark’s laugh was one of those that triggered others to laugh and not stop. His smile captivated. His heart was one the most beautiful I have ever seen. He sacrificed so much for others – his important others.

In love I believe he was let down so badly it still hurts me. He painted out of that and gave up on romantic love – which is so so desperately sad but I believe he was trying to self preserve. For me this is so tragic as he was a gorgeous soul and the love between 2 people – true romantic love as it were is something that can take one to heights that nothing else can- and it did – only it dropped him too (as it does many).

He had so much to give – in life and love.

Taken way way too soon, I just don’t understand and I guess never will.

What I know is that we must live here now, and make each minute count. We must cherish each other in the moment. Be present in the moment and live each as if the last.

 

To Mark – my “friendus” ignite heaven as I know you will with your soul. Devastate them with the joy that radiates out of it. The deeper the sorrow carves into your being the more joy it can contain. I love you and I always will.

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Celebrate and live each minute


Our time on earth is limited by a number none of us know. The quality that we experience depends almost entirely on us – each one, in our own capacity.

Life is very short for some and interminably long for others. The enigma is that there is no way of knowing.

Where does that leave us each, individually?

Life is a strange bag of tricks and boils down to little more that about 40-60 years on average of a daily slog : waking, working, paying for things, sleeping. And yet it can be so much more. It can be.

It depends entirely on your own self. The quality of each minute. The minutes add up and create memories. But essentially if you are not present in the present and enjoying that very minute wholeheartedly it may be a wasted minute, hour, life.

I wish we knew in a way. The hours we each had and the moments that we should make count.

But we don’t.

Perhaps only when you lose a loved one do you re-evalute life on a minute to minute basis.

Today actually counts for more than you think and if you understand that in the realm of time and space we are each such a small inconsequent speck that may or may not live another day, surely it’s worth making this very minute worth it.

Sorrow and sadness fill my being for the loss of a life so huge at some moments and so full of the very essence of life. He lived indeed and took the time to make it special. I so hope that one day I will understand the reason we have a this life and a “death” or after life. I certainly don’t today.

Libre flash monitoring


The patient driven and marketed libre has arrived in south africa.

R990 for a reader once off which is a meter for both glucose and ketones.

R990 for a sensor that lasts 2 weeks and so i.e. cost per month if worn every day is R990 x2

You scan your button and get a reading every 5 minutes. The device has functions like worked out a1c (3 month average) as well as about 100 more. See the website.

https://www.freestylelibre.co.uk/libre

You need to fill in a form, pay the amount and it gets couriered to you.

Contact me for forms

26 hilton avenue 033 343 1826

😉libre.jpg

On joy and laughter


Sometimes your joy just literally disappears out of site and mind. It’s generally called depression and recognising it can be super difficult especially recognising it in yourself. More and more common these days and surely not surprising as we just demand way too much of ourselves.

Classically having a baby first time around is an adjustment and requires some great mind shifting and postnatal depression is also way more common due to similar reasons. Moms having to go back to work and the pressure of the right off the back after delivering a baby.

Wind back a few 100 years ago (or even 50) confinement (pregnancy) confined you to your home to nest, rest and get ready. That’s actually what you need in the horrid state called pregnancy.

Then you would stay in hospital with loving nurses for around 10 days. Then you would come home and have endless help – so that you could sleep and catch up.

These days most moms work until delivery day. Get home and have to keep it all going and then rush back to work around 4 months or even sooner.

Its a wonder we are not all in the luny bin.

How the heck is one supposed to be super mom AND sane?

And is it any wonder joy and laughter leave us and a gloomy dog takes up residence in our mind and homes?

Think on this today – as a society we are voluntarily intoxicating our very society.