Category Archives: breathe

A new day :)

Tuesday, one day into being 46 -gracious me! As with you, I can remember quite clearly moments in my life up to now in my 20s and 30s like “crystally” clear.

Certainly the strangest time of my life right now.

This corona virus has the clever folk scratching their heads and the less clever “having figured it out”. Go figure.

The more I live into this life the more grateful I become. Each day, each little lesson builds into a beautiful intricate woven work dynamic yet static.

I am soo absolutely delighted that I love what I do daily. I love my “job” mostly because it is more of a priveledge and a delight in itself.

Right now we are all scratching our heads (even the less clever perhaps for different reasons). How important right now to hold each moment of delight in gratefulness and the respect it deserves and how important to “take the hand” of your neighbour or a person in need and actually make a difference.




Sunday is a fun day :), but today is monday :):)

Today is sunday and it is a sunny day. We are still in quarantine and not much makes sense. I have just listened to the premier of kzn and wonder wow : there’s good, there’s bad there’s crazy but on the whole, I am grateful.

And maybe I am in the class/shape/ form of luckiness at this point and generally? But it is also a choice. One of my favourite books : The choice by Edith Eger. My favourite comedian by far at the moment : Schalk Bezuidenhout (v#k) I love him. He makes my day daily. Go Schalk you honestly have the gift of the gab and you MUST keep going, please.

Listening to LM radio – because mense they play good music and they don’t talk kak.

Sun is shining.  My house that I moved into one week before lock down rocks so much. I am in love with my house in dabchick road. Have you ever looked at a dabchick? I only did cos of my road, you know, little grebe it’s also called. Striking bird.

Don’t hate me but I have just had a sip of dry white, it’s a skill, don’t hate me.

I am doing “therapy” at the moment it includes : trying to draw selfies, yes, it’s very much of trying. But so very therapeutic. Also growing veggies – an array – and they are actually growing. Which is testament to the soil- this soil here by me- is pristine grassland and been untouched for many years- at least the length I owned the land- 13 years odd. But I happen to know for longer and this is a grassland and we MUST get our soil to get better. That was told to me yesterday by a dear friend and echoed in the thought of many earth lovers.

Read my really great guru’s rant on facebook earlier and it echoed my own fears re this covid : Adalbert Ernst – a man of many many talents. He is an aneasthetist amongst many talents but I empathise with his fear today and perhaps that’s why I draw my selfie extra hard. Like in my dream last night I worked extra hard – to try and kill corona. And all the bad things in this world: poverty, diabetes, hunger, impoverishtness, living in “poverty”, cruelty, harhness, intellectual bankruptcy. Once upon a long time ago Adalbert was pharoah and I was a “narrator” in a play at unicorn primary shcool in Tzaneen. #shoutouttounicorn

Do we all suffer for our sanity?

This blog too, a therapy of words.

Anyway, it’s sunny, it’s a day and I am grateful. Full of gratefulness actually despite it being 2020 and a pandemic. It’s a choice. One day at a time. Do what I can to make earth better and humanity more healed.

#kzn #schalkbezuidenhout #editheger #LMradio #covid

Also – eat less carbs – especially the simple ones, breathe deeply daily – it’s healthy for you, take your HEAlth seriously, be KIND…




We are connected, diverse and wonderful

Hi, shoo, we stand/sit here today in this world each individually and yet all of us humans breathing oxygen into our lungs and expelling carbon dioxide out. Lungs : the zone where corona causes the worst of it’s devastation (most organs are affected though in the severe cases).

But here we are and I am reminded of a poem I love :


And so to be children,

Growing younger into our humanity

Born between thorn and nail,

We must live now, here

Eyes wide amid the hurting;

Daring to find a love

Deep in the poison garden,

Learning our steps in the barefoot way

Dancing muddy into eternity

Patrick Hobbs

We are all muddy, we are all muddled. And yet, here we are, breathing. I agree with Gareth Cliff, what now? We must live now, here : figure this out gently, kindly and be a piece in the puzzle that engages on all it’s sides and reaches out to find that unique way to “engage”.

Let’s each individually figure out the way we “connect” with each other far and wide.

“Diversity of thought is the most valuable thing”-Gareth Cliff today.

Open your mind, like your lungs open every time you take a breath.

#goingforward #livenowpoison garden

#live #now #free #think

Deluge of deluded, devoid of common senses ness, happy crazy credentials

Where are we people ? As Suzelle – south africa’s brilliant voice on so many fronts might say. Where are we?

I kind of feel like I might be living in a pseudo universe right now. Not really sure what to make of reality and non-reality, and generally, it probably feels like that for many folk. This is a trying time whether you stand with Trump and guns in Michigan or Bolsonaro in Brazil eating his self-righteous sweet treats or Cyril in South africa walking the finest line between REALLY being there for HIS people both health wise and financially wise. Oh my lord where are we people? What is real and what is not.

There’s much I do not know. But let me tell you what I do know : the inflammatory cascade is a process that can happen triggered by multiple things including corona virus (there are other things that doctors learn long and hard about) and yes you all seem to be cleverly discovering this thing (out of context mind you) and propounding philosophy like there’s no tomorrow -which right now is a thing no-one is guaranteed of. Ventilators are not the only answer so to speak I agree, ICU care involves quite a lot more than just ventilating. And please help us God when the average man on the street “discovers” then next “medical revelation” and tries to “help” as a spouting fountain of knowledge, it will come, I doubt it not.

Suzelle generally sticks to DIY and expands it in a way that helps humanity almost always a value add.

People at large, let’s value add right now. What do YOU do? Do that and value add. Please, because YOU can people. Because you CAN.

#Suzelle #commonsense #whatcanyoudosuzelle


Morning coffee…coveve?

clean houseRemeber Trump’s coveve moment. Well me dearies this new bleach moment is a new high is it not. What a narcissist. My goodness gracious me. Oh my word, there are none : words.



I am so sorry America. Really I am because there are a lot of might fine folks in the USA who simply don’t deserve someone who is almost oblivious to the deaths.

On the other hand we have both a gentleman and a saint right now heading our government. What a relief.

At this time, surely people need to go inside and clean out all the shit? Right? Or have I really gone mad?

Surely this is the time where we HAVE to take hands (a metaphor) and help each other IN TRUTH. And only Truth. No more bullshit.


Maybe I have gone mad, but that’s my choice right now. Do what I can each day, clean out my inside house and take it hour by hour.

Synecdochy and metonomy -what corona can drive you to, a self lesson in english

Russel Brand taught me a word a few days ago in an open letter to Boris Jonson, heartfelt and I feel deeply spiritual plea to Boris at this time. Anyway I had not heard that word before and it intrigued me. So I did a bit of “learning”.

I have to say that “learning” at this time instills fear itself as I am trying to “teach” my girls and the fear I feel (at the even thought) is profound. And yet when I do just “try” sometimes we win. A lot of the times we have tantrums and wales of unhappiness. They find their school work boring. It’s not my fault. But it is what it is and so we try again tomorrow.

I am a doctor and I love what I do, usually. Right now, fear pervades most consults, fear of covid, fear of what is to come? Will it come? I keep hoping it wont. I have just read an account by a new york city doctor that confirms my fears – of what could come – and yes let’s just say I shall continue to hope that our government have “pandemic’d” this better than Trump has.

So I used my pent up fear and worked out how to make meaning of synecdochy :

hands vs lend me your ears

bread vs the oval office

a stethoscope vs “the heart”

a heart beat is a start

a way to rythmically beat

in a life

that grew feet

stacatto silloutte

of a life in a sweat

sweet bites of a golden sunset

resound in the skies of unmet



hand holds

wounds gouged out holes


striving did a good job

of widening

only truth can stem

blood flow and mind woe

but growth of cut nodes

will rise and has risen

without a “striven”

synecdoche, metonymy

This scourge is with us for some time to come and the folk at the frontline across the world will fight hard and strong and continuously. That’s what they do. Are all healers wounded healers ? Perhaps not. Life is larger than science though and the unmeasurable parts of compassion, empathy and heart felt hunger to help and stem and rise is common to all humans.

A few of my patients have reached out tendrils of great comfort at this time. Healing both ways. My few corona patients have done extremely well both physically and mentally in their own fight against it.

Meaning in all of this is sometimes abounding and sometimes like a wide open desert. Russelbrand


schooling from the home …

Challenge upon challenge. I could use words that begin with f or v right now. But I should rather not as really our children should not be exposed to bad language.

Oh my shattered nerves. This is daunting. Like you can’t believe. Who would have thought that following grade 1 and 3 work pretending to be qualified could be sooo hard. Much harder than being a doctor!! OMF

Sorry I said it.

Ok, so here’s my wisdom :

1.) just literally go one step at a time

2.) just literally try

3.) it’s ok to cry -I did today

4.) let’s organise ourselves in groups? support groups?

5.) anyone out there with me????????…….


resources :

So just by the way a lot of things that say they are free are not, what I have found useful : seesaw and honestly ONLY teachers really know, so ask a teacher ( A REAL one). That’s why I feel little groups will help else the teachers them going to be well overwhelmed 🙂

Seesaw is a great tool that “got told to me” by a teacher. I can’t emphasize this enough – ONLY THEY KNOW, they are the qualified ones. We are NOT qualified to teach and yet are being ASKED to. We do of course have free will. However our children do need us right now to attempt to step up. A VERY HARD ASK. But, with a community spirit I believe this can be done. Why do I go on and on. Because this is really only the beginning I believe. And we will all need each other -connected – united in a sense in our disunity -to achieve some vague form of schooling for the next few months.

Abuse at this time -a way out

It is a great burden and a sadness that at this time during lockdown the “opportunity” for abuse in many ways is just too easy for the picking on the side of the abuser. To this end the “abused” in many many cases has very little access to “sanctuary”.

I was reading a great article last night and it resonated in so many ways in terms of making each one of us, individually and collectively at this point in time a little bit more “bullet proof” and “protected” in the midst of very little “protection”.

The “just” of it being 1.) recognise the “feelings” of : helplessness, anxiety, depression as SIGNALS that are screaming to us to do something. Not what society up to now has expounded that you are : weak, pathetic, not strong enough, rather that that feeling is a signal to YOU, precious one, that actually You can STAND up and even lying down YOU have a voice, a right, an access to bridging the gap between poor mental health and strong mental health.

2.) when one feels that one does not have “agency” ie things are all lost and nothing can get better, hopelessness in a sense, it is a very hard and terrifying place to be.

3.) That is why recognising the “vulnerability” for what it is is so vital and not giving that power. But stopping that vast chasm of no agency feeling in its tracks – and only the INDIVIDUAL in their MIND can do that.

4.) REcongnise that even in this time there are THINGS you can do, starting small. REaching out perhaps now is even a little easier as long as you have internet or a way to phone or even reach out to a neighbour. Take small positive steps.

5.) The resources for those who have access to them are literally endless on the internet.

6.) For those that don’t : start by getting “out of your mind” flick the switch by running around a chair or your house, reading a poem, literally thinking out of your normal box and grasping onto a positive thought, image or smell even.

7.) AVailbable too : most doctors are doing telephonic consults at this time as are psychologists and other health practioners, churches have pastors available on the other end of a phone, if needed the police are available and I would say if your situation requires it keep pressing on that button until you are indeed helped. The security “saints” independant security companies are very present right now and have been both kind and amazing during this time.

The crown of it all…

Corona or crown is a virus we know – common cold virus. Yes it has mutated to be the novel corona virus indeed and yes the origin seems to be china and we all travel wildly across the globe so yes it’s going to spread – droplet spread – NOT AIRBORNE.

If we had this much energy and gutzpa thrown at actual causes in south africa that CAN be solved : pick one : TB, MDR TB, continual infection of HIV (ie new infections), lets see, rape, murder, poverty ??? we honestly could be a really really strong country and the head of Africa in terms of economy and in every other respect.

Keep your pants on. It is paramount that you wash your hands well. That you breathe deeply and calmly and use this pent up energy to a good cause in your immediate influence.

There are numerous beautiful videos of what it looks like, how it transmits -watch them.

At this point the NICD are concentrating on FIRST degree contacts – ie have you had contact with the first case in hilton. THey are advising that we “calm” the second degree and further removed contacts down and REASSURE them. Easier said than done.

THis is probably not the end of the world. Do I think a virus may “take” us all one day. Yes it is quite likely. Do I think the crown is it? I do not.

Up to now it has been dealt with perfectly in hilton and cudos to all who have been involved. Only time will tell the greater outcome but most importantly, if you have been tested for corona virus – self quaranteen and wash hands etc. Otherwise be respectful of people generally not just now in a crisis always. Always dont judge and condemn. Always.

As my children said this morning stay 2 minutes away from everybody 🙂

And sing happy birthday a lot :):):):)


670G medtronic – a lesson for all diabetic practioners in a very good way :):)

The new 670G medtronic pump is truely a wonderful amazing device.

What suprised me more than anything else is what an absolute pearl of a lesson it is in terms of how insulins work and the daily awful grind and variability of being a type 1.

Honestly congratulations to this development team, you have come up with a genius product. Genius!

It expertly and simply solves for so many of the dilemmas type 1’s face daily. And in a safe and perfect way.

Truely a product that answers so many of the questions that we have up to now not solved.

Thank you thank you thank you.

THe MARD was my biggest happiness on the sensor – 8.7- wow-Yay!

So many reasons that in my opinion as many type1 patients should get onto this technology in terms of cost saving in the long run for med aid schemes and longevity with quality for patients both old and young.

I nominate it for product of the year.

Problems it solves for :

1.) daily variability (automatic adjustments according to blood glucose)

2.) hypoglycemia – on a downward trend of sugar readings it keeps decreasing insulin as to prevent a low and then eventually suspending insulin so as to prevent the low from happnening, as soon as the sugar trends up it resumes insulin and keeps adjusting

3.) high sugars – on an upward trend it increases insulin (up to a preset SAFE) level with alarms and alerts so as to prevent the high sugar

4.) variability immediately improves as does TIME IN RANGE

5.) multiple layered safety catches in case of problems

Type 1 diabetes is a tough life sentence and pump/cgm is the key to a little more freedom 🙂


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