Category Archives: anxiety

Single parenting – the rocky rollercoaster

Nothing, I repeat nothing I have ever ever done is as hard as parenting. Nothing even comes a sniff close to it.

Parenting is the challenge of my life.

Never have a felt more at sea, attempting to ride the most ridiculous surf out there as I have since birthing two girl children. Nothing ever prepared me for it and I believe there simply is no preparation.

Yes, it is indeed the delight of my life too.

But mostly it is hard hard work. Relentless and with very few breaks in the sets of waves that pound.

Two wills, two personalities, two sets of likes and dislikes. Two iron willed ladies.

One mom trying to work, mom, cook, teach, guide, model, passify, guide, did I say guide?

I believe I fail every single day. Every one.

Yes the joys too are incalculable.

And I would probably not swop it.

But, oh the fatigue I have is real.

My personal feeling is that two parents rising the ratio to 2 on 2 would really really help but my situation is not like that and I believe there are a lot of us singletons out there in the sea of waves. I am not complaining as such merely recognising that ideally a mom and a dad or at the least 2 present parents would be preferable in so many circumstance. Not even that my two dont have two parents I am more talking having them at the same time. It would ease things a tad. But probably it would still be the insurmountable challenge I experience it as.

I sit and wonder why I am so singularly poor at this challenge. Things that come to mind are : I am too hard on myself, I am wanting to be better and striving too hard, it would be easier 100 years ago, two strong wills is a tricky combination and adding my 3rd strong will makes it trickier still.

Anyway, I am hoping to learn to surf both in real life and in parenting and get the thrill of the ride as well as the occasional dump, rather than just being dumped as much as I am currently.

I live in hope.

Confusion,covid, Diabetes : CONTROL :) it really DOES make a difference

Bottom line at the time of covid. Sugars above 10mmol/l is DANGEROUS. That means to say if you generally have sugars above 10 when you check YOU WANT TO CHANGE THIS.

Sugars above 10 generally (regardless of type) is a danger red flag to the bull of COVID.

Especially in south africa we seem to have been lulled into a sense of “well we are going to be ok”, somehow because we prayed on sunday God is going to “love” us more??????

People, mense, sorry. Sor, it’s coming.

So what can you do as a diabetic? You can get control – aim for sugars between 4-8. Low sugars also have poorer outcomes. What does poorer outcomes mean? Part of poorer outcomes is death. 😦

1.) Eat healthily – cut the carbs

2.) Eat locally sourced plant based diet in the main – see Mnandi πŸ™‚ cookbook

3.) make sure you are on OPTIMAL MEDS πŸ™‚

4.) monitor your sugars a bit more than you normally would

5.) If you are UNCONTROLLED don’t go back to work please and also not to the mall please

Always available to help with this process

6.) Also I have seen a LOT more depression lately – check your mental health – ones body is : mind, body , spirit and all must be healthy to fight a virus/bug/bad time πŸ™‚

7.) smile and be nice – be cause YOU can people πŸ™‚

Synecdochy and metonomy -what corona can drive you to, a self lesson in english

Russel Brand taught me a word a few days ago in an open letter to Boris Jonson, heartfelt and I feel deeply spiritual plea to Boris at this time. Anyway I had not heard that word before and it intrigued me. So I did a bit of “learning”.

I have to say that “learning” at this time instills fear itself as I am trying to “teach” my girls and the fear I feel (at the even thought) is profound. And yet when I do just “try” sometimes we win. A lot of the times we have tantrums and wales of unhappiness. They find their school work boring. It’s not my fault. But it is what it is and so we try again tomorrow.

I am a doctor and I love what I do, usually. Right now, fear pervades most consults, fear of covid, fear of what is to come? Will it come? I keep hoping it wont. I have just read an account by a new york city doctor that confirms my fears – of what could come – and yes let’s just say I shall continue to hope that our government have “pandemic’d” this better than Trump has.

So I used my pent up fear and worked out how to make meaning of synecdochy :

hands vs lend me your ears

bread vs the oval office

a stethoscope vs “the heart”

a heart beat is a start

a way to rythmically beat

in a life

that grew feet

stacatto silloutte

of a life in a sweat

sweet bites of a golden sunset

resound in the skies of unmet



hand holds

wounds gouged out holes


striving did a good job

of widening

only truth can stem

blood flow and mind woe

but growth of cut nodes

will rise and has risen

without a “striven”

synecdoche, metonymy

This scourge is with us for some time to come and the folk at the frontline across the world will fight hard and strong and continuously. That’s what they do. Are all healers wounded healers ? Perhaps not. Life is larger than science though and the unmeasurable parts of compassion, empathy and heart felt hunger to help and stem and rise is common to all humans.

A few of my patients have reached out tendrils of great comfort at this time. Healing both ways. My few corona patients have done extremely well both physically and mentally in their own fight against it.

Meaning in all of this is sometimes abounding and sometimes like a wide open desert. Russelbrand


Corona, covid, go away …

If I had a wish from a genie, I would use it right now.

But I don’t. And for some reason collectively we are resisting what seems to be a truth that we are all battling to reconcile. This thing is here. It’s a terrible virus that has mutated from animal to human and it threatens US at large.

This is not an US and THEM situation it is only an US situation. Humans. Us.

Um, gulp, shit!!!

Against a corona viridae.

And yet, we CAN beat it. We really can. Ask Italy. Who have LOST soooo much.

However, we do need strategies. Now in South Africa we are blessed I believe to have had the experience of the HIV epidemic and the really hard lessons that it taught us. And we are now applying to a new pandemic.

Also we need honesty. More than ever. Not fear-mongering. Honesty and less gas-lighting.

We need community at a time when physically we are distanced. Yet spiritually we have a huge opportunity. For unity. For US. For humanity.

And actually to realise how connected each and everyone of us are. The truth.

Not US and them. Just US. And unless we collectively realise that, I fear worse.

As we hold our breath right now in south africa and some of the countries that have managed miraculously to flatten a curve FOR NOW, we need to realise this is a battle that is going to take a while. Many months, possibly years. And in order to continue to keep a flattish curve we need strategies. On many other fronts : hunger, fear, we need somehow very realistically to take hands, with all of those who are less fortunate.

So back to my genie, actually I may need 3 wishes at least, but failing genies and wishes, what can each one of US actually do? For humanity, for the future? There is sooo much YOU can do, so why not DO it, Like nike said, just DO it. Be part of the solution.genie

Loved the aladin movie (pic above) in it’s magic moments, we need more magic moments and the humblest of humanity are capable.

schooling from the home …

Challenge upon challenge. I could use words that begin with f or v right now. But I should rather not as really our children should not be exposed to bad language.

Oh my shattered nerves. This is daunting. Like you can’t believe. Who would have thought that following grade 1 and 3 work pretending to be qualified could be sooo hard. Much harder than being a doctor!! OMF

Sorry I said it.

Ok, so here’s my wisdom :

1.) just literally go one step at a time

2.) just literally try

3.) it’s ok to cry -I did today

4.) let’s organise ourselves in groups? support groups?

5.) anyone out there with me????????…….


resources :

So just by the way a lot of things that say they are free are not, what I have found useful : seesaw and honestly ONLY teachers really know, so ask a teacher ( A REAL one). That’s why I feel little groups will help else the teachers them going to be well overwhelmed πŸ™‚

Seesaw is a great tool that “got told to me” by a teacher. I can’t emphasize this enough – ONLY THEY KNOW, they are the qualified ones. We are NOT qualified to teach and yet are being ASKED to. We do of course have free will. However our children do need us right now to attempt to step up. A VERY HARD ASK. But, with a community spirit I believe this can be done. Why do I go on and on. Because this is really only the beginning I believe. And we will all need each other -connected – united in a sense in our disunity -to achieve some vague form of schooling for the next few months.

Abuse at this time -a way out

It is a great burden and a sadness that at this time during lockdown the “opportunity” for abuse in many ways is just too easy for the picking on the side of the abuser. To this end the “abused” in many many cases has very little access to “sanctuary”.

I was reading a great article last night and it resonated in so many ways in terms of making each one of us, individually and collectively at this point in time a little bit more “bullet proof” and “protected” in the midst of very little “protection”.

The “just” of it being 1.) recognise the “feelings” of : helplessness, anxiety, depression as SIGNALS that are screaming to us to do something. Not what society up to now has expounded that you are : weak, pathetic, not strong enough, rather that that feeling is a signal to YOU, precious one, that actually You can STAND up and even lying down YOU have a voice, a right, an access to bridging the gap between poor mental health and strong mental health.

2.) when one feels that one does not have “agency” ie things are all lost and nothing can get better, hopelessness in a sense, it is a very hard and terrifying place to be.

3.) That is why recognising the “vulnerability” for what it is is so vital and not giving that power. But stopping that vast chasm of no agency feeling in its tracks – and only the INDIVIDUAL in their MIND can do that.

4.) REcongnise that even in this time there are THINGS you can do, starting small. REaching out perhaps now is even a little easier as long as you have internet or a way to phone or even reach out to a neighbour. Take small positive steps.

5.) The resources for those who have access to them are literally endless on the internet.

6.) For those that don’t : start by getting “out of your mind” flick the switch by running around a chair or your house, reading a poem, literally thinking out of your normal box and grasping onto a positive thought, image or smell even.

7.) AVailbable too : most doctors are doing telephonic consults at this time as are psychologists and other health practioners, churches have pastors available on the other end of a phone, if needed the police are available and I would say if your situation requires it keep pressing on that button until you are indeed helped. The security “saints” independant security companies are very present right now and have been both kind and amazing during this time.

The crown of it all…

Corona or crown is a virus we know – common cold virus. Yes it has mutated to be the novel corona virus indeed and yes the origin seems to be china and we all travel wildly across the globe so yes it’s going to spread – droplet spread – NOT AIRBORNE.

If we had this much energy and gutzpa thrown at actual causes in south africa that CAN be solved : pick one : TB, MDR TB, continual infection of HIV (ie new infections), lets see, rape, murder, poverty ??? we honestly could be a really really strong country and the head of Africa in terms of economy and in every other respect.

Keep your pants on. It is paramount that you wash your hands well. That you breathe deeply and calmly and use this pent up energy to a good cause in your immediate influence.

There are numerous beautiful videos of what it looks like, how it transmits -watch them.

At this point the NICD are concentrating on FIRST degree contacts – ie have you had contact with the first case in hilton. THey are advising that we “calm” the second degree and further removed contacts down and REASSURE them. Easier said than done.

THis is probably not the end of the world. Do I think a virus may “take” us all one day. Yes it is quite likely. Do I think the crown is it? I do not.

Up to now it has been dealt with perfectly in hilton and cudos to all who have been involved. Only time will tell the greater outcome but most importantly, if you have been tested for corona virus – self quaranteen and wash hands etc. Otherwise be respectful of people generally not just now in a crisis always. Always dont judge and condemn. Always.

As my children said this morning stay 2 minutes away from everybody πŸ™‚

And sing happy birthday a lot :):):):)


Tips for appearing at the CCMA

First things first,

1.) They generally run on time

2.) A matter generally takes ball park 1-2 hours to “settle”

3.) They ALWAYS “settle”

4.) Arbitration is a myth that hardly happens

5.) Be prepared to settle

6.) IN pmb park in Chapel Street as close to langilabelle as possible and walk it’s your best bet – no parking closer and you will just get frustrated

7.) There really is not much point in taking anyone with you as they will almost always attempt to get you to settle, I suggest you learn the labour law and ask as many questions to your legal buddies

8.) In the first place put things in place so that you never land there it is awful and a process that makes you grey

9.) Conciliation is a process whereby the commissioner urges you as the employer to “settle”, this is NEVER in your interest and always in the employees

10.) anyone with questions or needing advice (non-legal) is welcome to email me :


Listened to a fascinating talk shared on Facebook this am :Β WatchΒ Susan David‘s TED Talk on how to control your emotions in a healthy way: She explores the paradigm that being positive has become to be morally “correct” and that we seem to all have bought into this delusion.

I love the way she expounds the fact that this is a dead man’s perrogative.

Emotion is part of being human and the full range of emotions is what makes us alive. They do not control us, however going through the full range actually enables success not the way we currently just wish to put on a smiley face and pretend it all happy.

Humans are complicated, thank the Lord for that. We do have emotions. We are NOT artificial intelligence robots.

Stop before you criticise a fellow human today for what you perceive to be negativity or grief or a “negative” emotion. Allow compassion, understanding and quiet supportive stillness to abide.

The joy of kinship is something I feel was worked at on a daily basis by the ancients. Community, living in “communion” and “supporting” one another friend to friend, lover to lover, something we don’t really really do anymore. Perhaps we are too busy. Perhaps we are too driven by things that actually don’t matter in the end.

We do actually need each other. And we do actually have a role in each others lives in terms of empathy, compassion and even just silent standing by – Β a deep recognition of another just by “being” there in spirit and truth.

Josef Pilates – unconventional response

I do just love the story of this man, born in Germany to a father of greek descent. He had “healthy” parents who got the flame kindled for what was to come. He was a sickly child with many obstacles to overcome and born into the world at a challenging time. He was a circus performer who toured England and somehow also got involved in training the scotland yard police in physical training.

When the war broke out he was “interned” on the isle of man due to being german (first world war). It was during this time that he helped prisoners of war who were bedridden to “exercise” by “creating” novel equipment so that they could exercise in bed.

He was a war hero and asked by the kaiser to train german troops but declined the offer and rather went across to America to start a new life (and not partake in world war 2).

In Manhatten he started a “contrology” studio in the same building as some dance studios and the rest is largely history.

I find it fascinating that someone dealt a fairly difficult hand of cards came up so trumps with this “new” form of exercise that now helps millions of people across the globe.

If you have not tried pilates do it today : mind body soul invigoration!

don’t just sit there – phone around, google and go

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