Monthly Archives: May 2019

Cold hard pressed


Cold hard pressed grief

pure?

cold hard pain

is it possible to reign in the heinous pain

distilled as it were

but so so unsure so so in a furore

of the core of my being

under seeing

by all in a tumble fall

my gut so full of gall

and why oh why have I hauled my bag so far

from a long way ago

its come with me

the glimmer the glimpse of letting at least the bag go

oh what joy

can so much heaviness and lightness be here now?

oh this hole if fills my soul

i long right now to fly right out of here

out of the hole

out of my soul

written 28 oct 2017 18:16

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A deep hole


I feel like :

a battered thing

a broken wing

a pretty useless woman

to you

Your words have hit me so hard

again and again and again

deep pain

a set of waves staccato

breaking and dumping

and unrelenting

occasionally I get to shore

and lie in the shore break

and wonder if I made a really big mistake

and then I find myself back in the ocean

at sea

no anchor

and the sets begin again

seven years in the rain

outside lonely tending to needs

to food

to cries

exhaustion a constant companion

a bleed in the brain

required to not think, rest

I just can’t seem to shake it

feels like a stake right through my soul

a hole

a deep hole

thoughts to fly out of my soul

yet reigned in by the need

the bleed of 2

precious ones

who have no other mother

An African feast …an amarula sunset


The sun sets golden

The harvested grass bales fill

the amber air with hues

of hazy hazelnut

dust

it’s amber coloured temperature

too

you can drink the amarula in

you can spiral tranquil lose yourself

within

The ivory carved moon rises east

An african feast …

Basmati rice is NOT a carb ???? …. what is a carb?


A few times a week I harp on about carbs and carb portions to patients. And as many I get them saying to me I don’t eat carbs doctor I only eat basmati rice πŸ™‚

WEll now hey! So the level of understanding of what a carb actually is : carbohydrate.

noun :Β any of a large group of organic compounds occurring in foods and living tissues and including sugars, starch, and cellulose. They contain hydrogen and oxygen in the same ratio as water (2:1) and typically can be broken down.
At the end of the day anything that once broken down by stomache acid and enzymes becomes a glucose molecule. It’s quite a vast food group. And it includes more than bread πŸ™‚
Vegetables too have carbs in them. The only thing that does not essentially is a protein : fish, red meat, chicken, ostrich meat, crocodile meat etc.
And some veg has almost no carb value to it. For example green beans and kale :). Something like a carrot or peas have carbs too πŸ™‚
If you are diabetic anything from : ice-cream to basmati rice that breaks down to a glucose, sucrose, fructose molecule of sorts is a carb.
That’s why we count carbs. To match the “perfect” amount of insulin and timing to the amount of “carb” ingested.
πŸ™‚

My favourite tool is : myfatsecret which is south african based and essentially a key tool in carb counting.

It’s not that you CAN not eat CARBS it is that you need to match the insulin to the carb. Ie you should be injecting an amount of insulin to “mop up” the carbohydrate value.

Carbs, carbs, carbs

“Soul”it ude …https://www.solitude.org.za


This last weekend I had the joy and priveledge of going to a creative retreat at solitude in the dargle near Howick. What a soul re-juvenation πŸ™‚

One’s own journey is a precious thing, one’s own creative journey in my opinion even more precious, like precious on steroids πŸ™‚

What I discovered on my very excited to share return was that one’s personal journey is not as relevatory to others as it was to one’s self.

Lesson learnt πŸ™‚

For me it was cathartic, connecting to myself, releasing in a high release way as well as calming, coo-ing almost in the best way possible, rocking in a hammock kind of gentleness, presence and preciousness.

We did all sorts of “arty” things not for creation sake but more for the journey sake and connecting to one’s inner child. The wisdom that was downloaded to each of us was profound, gentle and powerful. Sometimes the simple in life is the key. And happiness is an elusive gift just within our reach.

solitude

 

“Low class” -what does that mean?In 2019???


To my great shock I was accused of being “low class” yesterday. What does that mean buddy?

As far as I am aware it must hark back to the good old colonial british empire days? Like lady “downton abbey” and co looking down their royal blue blood noses at the “help”?

Yes I sound bitter. I am bitter. And I am reeling from a label that jerked the body inside the clothes.

Is this referring to a financial status? a way of behaving – like some bubblegum blowing teenager with a cockney accent? Even that in my opinion is a horrific “classification” of another PERSON.

Is is referring to a “bad” blood line with not enough “royalty” in it ? Or is it simply a person born badly by lineage who also has mannerisms (like farting) that do not FIT into “high” class society?

I am sorry, are we not in 2019? Did I miss a beat? Have women not got the vote largely in the world and even almost allowed to drive in saudia arabia?

Comments like that are what is wrong with society at large. Rather than celebrating “diversity” and “hybrid vigour” one chooses to spit and from such high ground and cause divisiveness.

Low-class : adjective : of low inferior standard, quality or a social class, cambridge dictionary adds -and the least money.

Pity you can’t take ” money” to the grave one day and that true love and joy do remain. The “richness” of being free to treat even a poor person with love and dignity is in my opinion high class. The attitude that one human is better than another is low class and sad really.

Funny how the world is upside for some. Luckily not for all.

Diversity is great and humans have greatness within them. Don’t let the bastards get you down.

simpsons

Even the Simpsons seem confused πŸ™‚