Cold hard pressed grief
cold hard pain
is it possible to reign in the heinous pain
distilled as it were
but so so unsure so so in a furore
of the core of my being
by all in a tumble fall
my gut so full of gall
and why oh why have I hauled my bag so far
from a long way ago
its come with me
the glimmer the glimpse of letting at least the bag go
oh what joy
can so much heaviness and lightness be here now?
oh this hole if fills my soul
i long right now to fly right out of here
out of the hole
out of my soul
written 28 oct 2017 18:16
I feel like :
a battered thing
a broken wing
a pretty useless woman
Your words have hit me so hard
again and again and again
a set of waves staccato
breaking and dumping
occasionally I get to shore
and lie in the shore break
and wonder if I made a really big mistake
and then I find myself back in the ocean
and the sets begin again
seven years in the rain
outside lonely tending to needs
exhaustion a constant companion
a bleed in the brain
required to not think, rest
I just can’t seem to shake it
feels like a stake right through my soul
a deep hole
thoughts to fly out of my soul
yet reigned in by the need
the bleed of 2
who have no other mother
The sun sets golden
The harvested grass bales fill
the amber air with hues
of hazy hazelnut
it’s amber coloured temperature
you can drink the amarula in
you can spiral tranquil lose yourself
The ivory carved moon rises east
An african feast …
A few times a week I harp on about carbs and carb portions to patients. And as many I get them saying to me I don’t eat carbs doctor I only eat basmati rice 🙂
WEll now hey! So the level of understanding of what a carb actually is : carbohydrate.
noun : any of a large group of organic compounds occurring in foods and living tissues and including sugars, starch, and cellulose. They contain hydrogen and oxygen in the same ratio as water (2:1) and typically can be broken down.
At the end of the day anything that once broken down by stomache acid and enzymes becomes a glucose molecule. It’s quite a vast food group. And it includes more than bread 🙂
Vegetables too have carbs in them. The only thing that does not essentially is a protein : fish, red meat, chicken, ostrich meat, crocodile meat etc.
And some veg has almost no carb value to it. For example green beans and kale :). Something like a carrot or peas have carbs too 🙂
If you are diabetic anything from : ice-cream to basmati rice that breaks down to a glucose, sucrose, fructose molecule of sorts is a carb.
That’s why we count carbs. To match the “perfect” amount of insulin and timing to the amount of “carb” ingested.
My favourite tool is : myfatsecret which is south african based and essentially a key tool in carb counting.
It’s not that you CAN not eat CARBS it is that you need to match the insulin to the carb. Ie you should be injecting an amount of insulin to “mop up” the carbohydrate value.
Carbs, carbs, carbs
This last weekend I had the joy and priveledge of going to a creative retreat at solitude in the dargle near Howick. What a soul re-juvenation 🙂
One’s own journey is a precious thing, one’s own creative journey in my opinion even more precious, like precious on steroids 🙂
What I discovered on my very excited to share return was that one’s personal journey is not as relevatory to others as it was to one’s self.
Lesson learnt 🙂
For me it was cathartic, connecting to myself, releasing in a high release way as well as calming, coo-ing almost in the best way possible, rocking in a hammock kind of gentleness, presence and preciousness.
We did all sorts of “arty” things not for creation sake but more for the journey sake and connecting to one’s inner child. The wisdom that was downloaded to each of us was profound, gentle and powerful. Sometimes the simple in life is the key. And happiness is an elusive gift just within our reach.
To my great shock I was accused of being “low class” yesterday. What does that mean buddy?
As far as I am aware it must hark back to the good old colonial british empire days? Like lady “downton abbey” and co looking down their royal blue blood noses at the “help”?
Yes I sound bitter. I am bitter. And I am reeling from a label that jerked the body inside the clothes.
Is this referring to a financial status? a way of behaving – like some bubblegum blowing teenager with a cockney accent? Even that in my opinion is a horrific “classification” of another PERSON.
Is is referring to a “bad” blood line with not enough “royalty” in it ? Or is it simply a person born badly by lineage who also has mannerisms (like farting) that do not FIT into “high” class society?
I am sorry, are we not in 2019? Did I miss a beat? Have women not got the vote largely in the world and even almost allowed to drive in saudia arabia?
Comments like that are what is wrong with society at large. Rather than celebrating “diversity” and “hybrid vigour” one chooses to spit and from such high ground and cause divisiveness.
Low-class : adjective : of low inferior standard, quality or a social class, cambridge dictionary adds -and the least money.
Pity you can’t take ” money” to the grave one day and that true love and joy do remain. The “richness” of being free to treat even a poor person with love and dignity is in my opinion high class. The attitude that one human is better than another is low class and sad really.
Funny how the world is upside for some. Luckily not for all.
Diversity is great and humans have greatness within them. Don’t let the bastards get you down.
Even the Simpsons seem confused 🙂